How to turn a history of failure into a successful future

I was asked recently: what is the single key to success when motivating people who have experienced only failure in their lives?

Before I get to the single key to success, I’d like to throw you an idea that when a person believes they have experienced only failure, it’s usually a sign that one of two things have happened:

1. They haven’t met the standards of success they have set themselves in the things that are important to them

or

2. They haven’t really found what’s important to them and therefore haven’t been motivated to succeed.

The so-far-unsuccessful person can remedy both of these problems by taking a step back from their perceived failures, re-evaluating what’s important to them, and breaking the seemingly impossible goals into smaller, achievable ones. A good coach can help them structure this process and help replace low self-esteem with the self-confidence that comes from growing success.

They key to success therefore is to start in the right direction and build a solid foundation of confidence by achieving small goals that eventually help you succeed in the things that are important to you.

Why would a young professional choose to have a coach?

Here are three basic things a coach needs to establish when attracting a young professional as a client.

1. Does the young professional understand what coaching is?

If the client is educated about coaching, either from literature or knowing a colleague who has been through the process, (and provided of course the perception is a positive one) they are much more likely to seek it out for themselves.

2. Does the young professional have something they need (and want) to be coached on?

There are lots of potential reasons why a young professional may think they have nothing they need coaching on, even if they understand what coaching is. These might include a sense that they are managing perfectly well without it. This can be the case when the young professional views coaching as only being relevant to one area of their lives, such helping them develop their career. If such an individual has received a recent promotion they may well feel they have their future under control.

3. Can they afford it?

Many coaches pitch the value of coaching in terms of return on investment. These can be statistical increases in earnings for a population of individuals having received coaching. More typically these returns are listed as develop traits often associated with successful people such as confidence, goal setting, work-life balance, self-discovery etc.

The difficulty with a return on investment pitch to young professionals is that it forces two questions:

- Can I afford it ‘now’ (coaching can be expensive)
- How do I know it will really be worth it?

Young professionals ask similar questions when considering doing an MBA. It’s an expensive option for someone in their early career and the young professional has to have the means to pay for it alongside other competing commitments (family, house-buying, holidays etc).

In deciding to spend their savings (or bank/family loan) the young professional will, like choosing an MBA, reduce their risk by choosing the coach whose reputation gives them greatest confidence that they will emerge from coaching having met all their objectives. Coaches that don’t inspire confidence in a successful outcome don’t get the business.

The final point in considering ‘Can they afford it’ is time. Part of the education process about coaching is that they understand the level of commitment required, and the energy and motivation they will need in order to get the most out of it. Families, careers and leisure-time are strong competitors for weekly or monthly coaching slots.

To round up, young professionals have many demands on their funds and time. Coaching is only likely to be attractive if the young professional understands what coaching is, knows how it can be used to improve a particular aspect of their lives, has the time, funds and energy to commit to regular sessions, and has a strong belief in the coach’s ability.

Balancing the seesaw of career and personal life

Many of us are late in the game by the time we spot the need to balance our careers and personal lives. Perhaps our careers are taking off and we find it difficult to squeeze a personal life into the remaining space, or perhaps a change in personal circumstances means we are finding it difficult to do our jobs justice.

We are like children on a seesaw. As our career focus goes up, the quality of our personal lives goes down. As we shift more time and attention to our personal commitments, we see ourselves losing our edge at work. We are either constantly ’tilted’ out of balance, or else we are unsettled, unable to maintain either focus.

But notice the middle of the seesaw never moves.

As a coach I have found that many goal-focused clients are often on one end of the seesaw. Their ‘wants’ are often pursued without a clear notion of what changes the achievement will bring to their lives. The result of their success can be that they satisfy one core value at the expense of another. They have the status and financial stability but no quality in their family lives.

I encourage my clients to think about the middle of the seesaw and work with them to bring their careers and personal lives closer to their core values. What non-core activities are they tolerating (and can remove)? How can they manage more effectively the ones that remain? What opportunities are they not yet taking advantage of that will make them feel that what they do is aligned to who they are?

Talented individuals need to understand and protect their core values, recognising when new activities and commitments place them under threat. This becomes increasingly important as their careers grow and personal circumstances become more complex. No doubt there will always be times when they need to put in extra hours at work or react to an unforeseen family commitment, but at such times their stronger and more balanced foundation helps them retain focus and any detrimental effects are not felt so acutely.

Buddying-up

Having a coaching buddy can significantly improve your coaching experience and results. I experimented with a buddy system after one of my clients told me how much he valued his MBA learning experience as part of a cohort.

Now I find that pairing my coachees (those who want to participate) adds value to their coaching experience by providing another source of motivation and shared learning. My clients communicate by email or phone and have the choice whether they want to share their experience with me – they often do.